


Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe

by sinfulslasher (Gaby)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Dirty Talk, Humor, M/M, Mild Kink, PWP, Semi-Public Sex, Spanking, slutty bottom!Jared, top!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 04:39:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9055744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaby/pseuds/sinfulslasher
Summary: Misha's throwing a party, Jared's having the hots for Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Jensen's got a plan.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rockstarpeach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockstarpeach/gifts).



> **Author's Notes:** Written for this year's spn_j2_xmas fic exchange for rockstarpeach. I tried to incorporate several of her likes and prompts, most notably J2, slutty bottom!Jared, a wee bit of grumpy!Jensen and humor, porn, semi-public sex, cosplay...and I even threw in a party, even if it wasn't of the surprise variety. *g* My apologies for making you wait until the last minute, rockstarpeach. I hope you like your gift!  
>  **Additional Author's Notes:** This is an AU insofar that the boys don't have wives and everyone lives in Vancouver. Other than that, this takes place right about now probably, since there's mention of JDM playing Negan on The Walking Dead.  
>  **Beta by:** elrhiarhodan - once again, coming to my rescue with her super-duper-quick help (thank you, dear)!  
>  **Disclaimer:** Jared, Jensen and Misha belong to themselves. The depiction of them as characters in this story has nothing to do with the actual persons. No disrespect is intended.

_Dearest fellow human being,_

_You are cordially invited to join me in celebrating my unbirthday on the last Saturday in April at Casa Collins._

_To ensure that any additional holidays I might have missed spending with you in the last year are also covered, I would like to ask you to_

_\- bring candles and glass beads,_  
_\- think of something you are thankful for, and_  
_\- wear a costume (cosplay and/or drag encouraged but not necessary)._

_If you could add something green for St. Patrick's Day, that'd be awesome._

_There is no need to bring any fireworks; I will provide a nice variety._

_Please RSVP no later than a week before the party so I'll know how many baskets I need to hand out for the egg hunt._

_Wishing you kindness, prosperity and abnosome karma,  
Misha_

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever read," Jensen muttered, staring at the invitation in his hand.

"It's Misha," Jared said with a smile.

"It's not even close to his birthday!"

"He's not celebrating his birthday. He's celebrating his _unbirthday_." Jared looked at his own invitation. "And Christmas or Hannukah. And Mardi Gras. And Thanksgiving. I'm assuming also Halloween, obviously also St. Patrick's Day and probably the Fourth of July."

"Don't forget Easter," Jensen pointed out with an eye roll.

Jared grinned. "Right. I think it's an awesome idea."

"It's ridiculous and stupid," Jensen grumped.

"No," Jared said. "It's Misha."

*****

Jared spent the next few days trying to convince Jensen to go to the party with him, but Jensen steadfastly refused to be part of "something idiotic".

"Come on, we get to dress up for Halloween in the middle of spring," Jared wheedled. "You love Halloween."

"I love candy," Jensen corrected. "I already have to dress up on a daily basis." He pointed at the clothes he was wearing. "Dean Winchester at your service."

"But wouldn't it be nice to dress up as someone other than Dean?"

"I like dressing like Jensen, thank you very much."

Jared gave an annoyed grunt. "You're such a spoilsport."

*****

"We could dress up together."

"I'm sorry, what?"

Jared sighed. He'd been trying everything -- including offering blowjobs and other sexual favors -- to change Jensen's mind about Misha's party, and tonight was his last chance. The party was the following weekend and Jensen was leaving Vancouver the next morning for a short trip. The episode they were currently shooting barely had any Dean scenes in it so Jensen's work was done after only two days. He had decided to take a mini-vacation, spending his unexpected free time playing golf and laughing at his hard-working co-stars from afar.

"We could do a partner costume."

"Like what, moose and squirrel?" Jensen's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Oh. No, I know. Bonnie and Clyde. Or Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Rapunzel and the Prince maybe? You've got the hair for it already."

"You're an idiot."

Jensen just grinned.

"Fine," Jared grumbled. "Don't go. See if I care."

"Of course you care. Otherwise you wouldn't be getting your Saxx in a twist." Jared glowered at that, which only made Jensen grin wider. "Look, I'll be on a much needed and very deserved short vacation. I'm not going to cut it short just so I can go to Misha's ridiculous party. I already told him and he understands."

"I doubt that. He was just being polite."

"Well, at least he didn't start pestering me to come to the party," Jensen said pointedly. "So, how do you wanna spend our last night together?" He sidled up to his lover. "I got an early plane to catch tomorrow morning and you've got work, but we could spend some quality time together before that, right?"

Jared sniffed. "I want to watch the latest episode of The Walking Dead," he said.

"You can still do that when I'm gone."

"Yeah well, but I want to see it tonight."

"Your obsession with our Papa Winchester is in no way healthy," Jensen pointed out, trying to sound reasonable.

Jared just shrugged. "I can't help it. Jeffrey Dean looks hotter than hell. The older he gets, he sexier he is." He stole a quick kiss from Jensen and smirked. "What can I say? I like older guys."

Jensen smacked Jared's ass in retaliation.

*****

Jared thought that Jensen was a complete idiot.

This was by far the best party he had ever been to, and Jensen was missing it only because he decided to go golfing instead.

What a doofus.

Jared grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and watched the other party guests through the kitchen window. Everyone was having a great time -- the food was amazing, the booze was top notch, and there was a live band playing the most fantastic music.

They had planted a sapling in honor of Arbor Day and were now working on getting a bonfire going. Jared wasn't entirely sure what the bonfire was for but he thought he remembered something about celebrating Solstice or Equinox or maybe just doing a rain dance. He didn't really care. All he cared about was that he had so much fun, it should be illegal.

If only Jensen were here, he thought morosely, and downed the last of his water.

When he looked back through the kitchen window, he suddenly saw the reflection of a man standing behind him.

Jared tensed immediately. Years of fight training kicked in. He made a fist, slightly widened his stance for better leverage and was about to ram his elbow back to attack the stranger when he felt something hard and heavy press against the middle of his back, forceful enough to act as warning.

Jared visibly relaxed to show he meant no harm. His mind was going a mile a minute. How could some stranger just waltz into Misha's house without anyone noticing? Even if everyone except Jared was outside in the backyard, surely there was an alarm system and the door was locked. Jared was big, muscled and knew how to fight -- he should be able to take the intruder down, provided the guy didn't have an actual weapon on him.

He looked back at the reflection again, trying to seize up his opponent.

The guy was almost as tall as he was, had dark, slicked back hair and a salt and pepper beard. He was wearing a leather jacket and... Jared gasped when the pressure in the middle of his back disappeared and instead a baseball bat became visible in the window's reflection. The guy behind him grinned and swung the bat almost carelessly over one shoulder.

Jared's mind screamed at him that this could not possibly be happening when he heard a deep, gravelly voice sing-song, "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, who's my favorite slutty ho?" Jared saw the reflection of the baseball bat disappear again, and a moment later he felt the tip of it pressing against his ass. "Who's got an ass I'd like to plough? I've got a dick that you should blow."

The tip of the baseball bat slowly wandered forward until it was pressing against Jared's balls.

Despite the sudden scare and the unexpected threat of assault, Jared was turned on beyond belief. It had taken him more than a few seconds but he had finally figured out that the intruder, the guy with the baseball bat, the man who looked so much like Negan -- and wasn't that enough of a turn on already? -- was, in fact, Jensen.

"Jesus, Ackles," Jared groaned, hanging his head. He grabbed the kitchen counter hard with both hands because his knees were buckling. 

"Lucille asked you a question," Jensen growled, still in character. He pushed his baseball bat meaningfully against Jared's balls again. "So, you wanna blow me or get fucked?" He pressed against Jared's back and bit the junction of shoulder and neck. "Slutty ho."

Jared's knees buckled harder. "Holy shit, Jensen." He swallowed hard and then gestured feebly at the large kitchen window and the two dozen or so people milling about only a few feet away. "Folks can see us."

Jensen's grin was evil. "Yeah, so?"

Jared just groaned and closed his eyes.

Jensen licked the spot he had bitten. "Nice costume, by the way," he whispered into his lover's ear. "Especially like the leather chaps."

Jared yelped when he felt a hand grab one of his ass cheeks tightly. He was dressed as cowboy -- not very imaginative, he admitted, but he really liked to wear cowboy boots and form fitting jeans. Besides, it gave him a cheap thrill to wear the leather chaps in public -- they were actually part of his kinky wardrobe, something he only wore for Jensen in the privacy of their own home. "Well," he said philosophically, "I look good in a ten gallon hat." He tipped said hat at Jensen's reflection in the mirror.

Jensen snorted a laugh at that. He wasn't fooled for one second. "Take off the stupid hat and get down on your knees," he ordered. 

Jared turned around with wide eyes. "What?" At Jensen's cocked eyebrow, he looked down and saw that his lover had undone his pants and his cock was hanging out. "Holy shit."

"Get me hard and ready. Only use your mouth and your very talented tongue. No hands whatsoever. You've got five minutes."

Jared swallowed hard and cleared his throat. Twice. "And...and then?" he croaked, his own cock pressing against his zipper.

"Then you present your slutty ass and I'm gonna fuck you."

Jared's eyes widened. "Right here?" he asked, his voice squeaking slightly. He gestured vaguely behind him to the window and the other party guests.

"Right here," Jensen confirmed. He leaned in close and locked eyes with Jared. "And I'll ride you so hard, you'll scream. Everyone will know you got your brains fucked out."

Jared whimpered softly at that. He had always fantasized about sex in public but it was just too dangerous for them -- if they got caught, their careers would be over. But this? Here? Most of the party guests were coworkers. If they did get caught, it wouldn't cause an actual scandal. Granted, there'd be hell to pay, but it would consist of ridicule, juvenile comments and razzing on set for the next few months. Jared could live with that.

He'd finally get one of his fantasies fulfilled, and having Jensen dressed like Negan was the icing on top.

"Dude, I love you."

"Love you, too. Now." Jensen raised an eyebrow, back in character, and pointed at the floor. "Knees. Or do you want Lucille to persuade you?" He raised the baseball bat warningly.

Jared hit the floor so hard, his knees screamed in protest. He didn't care though. All he cared about was the glorious, half-hard dick in front of him. He looked up, locked eyes with his lover, and then slowly, provocatively, licked the length from base to tip.

In retaliation, Jensen pushed his entire cock into the waiting mouth without warning. "Suck it."

Jared was only too happy to oblige. He used every trick he knew and even came up with a couple of new ones to get Jensen hard and ready to shoot. Even though he didn't need the five minutes to accomplish the job, Jensen waited the entire allotted time, stopping himself from orgasm through sheer will, and even counted down the last ten seconds with a provocatively steady voice.

"Okay, get up and bend over. Present that sweet ass of yours, slut."

Jared shot to his feet so quickly, he got dizzy for a moment. He fumbled with his jeans for a few seconds and finally managed to push it down far enough to reveal his ass, still framed by the leather chaps.

"Goin' commando, I see?" Jensen asked, approval in his voice. He slapped Jared's naked ass hard enough to leave a handprint.

Jared didn't comment. Instead, he merely bent over the kitchen counter, spreading his legs as much as he could and thrusting his ass back invitingly.

Jensen caught a glimpse of something shiny between the ass cheeks and trailed one fingertip down the dark valley until he could poke at the entrance. "You're lubed?"

Jared shrugged. "I was hoping you'd come, if not to the party, then at least home. I wanted to be prepared in case I got home and you were waiting for me there." He thrust his ass back even more, reaching back with both hands to spread his ass cheeks. The glistening hole winked at Jensen. "You like?"

"Shit, Jare." Without preamble, Jensen shoved his entire dick into his lover, pushing him almost violently against the edge of the counter.

Jared groaned and dropped his head. A second later, he pushed back just as violently against Jensen.

"Keep your head up," Jensen ordered with a growl. "I want your eyes on the crowd outside."

"Oh god..." Jared groaned again but obediently raised his head. He stared at the people outside, milling about only a few feet away, busy tending to the bonfire, laughing and chatting, and his cock jumped at the thought of anyone looking toward the house and accidentally catching them. "Harder," he begged, pushing against Jensen. "Fuck me hard."

In response, Jensen thrust into Jared, snapping his hips forward, with enough power that it forced Jared to his tiptoes.

"Yeah, like that," Jared panted, clenching his ass around the invading cock. "Ride me hard, cowboy."

Jensen chuckled, though it sounded a bit strained from the effort he put into the fucking. "I thought you're the cowboy."

In response, Jared began to buck like a wild bronco.

Jensen retaliated by spanking Jared's naked flank until he calmed down again, submitting to the forceful thrusts with a graceful arch to his back and soft pleading on his lips.

It didn't take long for Jensen to reach his orgasm, and he did so with a loud groan and a bite to Jared's neck. "Next time," he growled into his lover's ear while reaching down and squeezing the base of Jared's cock to prevent him from coming, "I'm shovin' Lucille up your naughty ass."

Jared actually wailed at that, his entire body quivering with the need to come. "Please. Oh god, please, Jensen. Please let me come. I need to come. Please, man. Come on."

"No." The word brooked no argument, and Jared shivered at the toppy vibes coming from his lover. "Maybe -- and that's a big maybe -- I'll let you come at home. If you're good. If you show me you deserve it." He pulled out of Jared and immediately shoved a butt plug in to keep his come from trickling out. Jared's cock jumped in response. Jensen matter-of-factly wrapped a cockring around the erection and gave Jared's well-fucked ass one last spank. "Get dressed and wait for me in the car."

Jared fumbled with his jeans, his fingers trembling slightly and his cock so hard that it made zipping up all but impossible. "You gonna tell Misha we're leaving?"

Jensen just smirked. "In a manner of speaking." He left Jared to finish getting dressed, but instead of going outside to join the other party guests, he walked to a different part of the house.

With a chuckle, he placed Lucille on Misha's bed and added a hand-written note that said,

_Yo Mish,_

_You might want to make sure to keep your front door locked and your alarm system on in future. Otherwise, violent psychos might whack you over the head with a baseball bat while you're sleeping. Or steal your party guests._

_Just sayin'._

_J._

*****

The following Monday, Jensen walked into his trailer, whistling happily to himself. The rest of the weekend had left him pleasantly exhausted and sore. He was also convinced that Jared had been limping just a little bit this morning. Jensen smirked, feeling pretty smug.

His eyes widened suddenly when he saw Lucille propped up innocently on one of his chairs. At closer look, he realized there was a hand-written note attached to her.

_Dearest J.,_

_My sincerest gratitude for your kind words of warning the other day. While my alarm system might have been off, please rest assured that my surveillance cameras are of the highest quality and record in high definition._

_Which leads me to the following question: Would you like a copy?_

_Tootles,  
Misha_

THE END


End file.
